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Food for Golf: Ranking the Best Snacks at the Turn
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Food for Golf: Ranking the Best Snacks at the Turn

It’s 1:36 on 9, the sun is beating down and you haven’t eaten anything since your cereal this morning. You can’t possibly focus on saving bogey with your stomach groaning louder than a boomer at Coachella. Sink the putt or not, sustenance is in sight… and your biggest decision of the round lies ahead—just exactly what snack are you going to house at the turn? 

Make no mistake, I possess zero of the culinary qualifications required to write this blog. My pallet is far from distinguished. I do, however, wholeheartedly believe I rank in the 95% percentile for hours spent contemplating my next meal. My priorities lie in typing “food” into the search bar when scouring reviews for the next course I’m playing. I know, it's not a good look.

So, without further adieu, it is with this fixation that I unveil a completely biased list of snacks at the turn—ranked in order from worst to best.

#15 Salad

Well, aren’t you skinny? While your wife and your diet might be pleased, this is an incredibly poor choice for sustenance, especially if you’ve been frequenting the bev cart all morning. Best case scenario? Wilted lettuce. Worst case scenario? Listeria. 

#14 Candy

This is immediately going to piss some people off… specifically, the type of adults that still fall victim to the holy trinity of Skittles, Starburst and Sour Patch. But let’s be honest with ourselves here. This is a bad snack play unless you’re a solo. Someone will ask for a handful, and so on down the line until everyone in your foursome has red dye 40 stuck to their molars and all you’re left with is an empty bag and an empty stomach.

#13 Chips

Chips are supplemental only. They’ll curb your salt fix, but everyone knows those single-serve bags are 70% air—meaning you’ll be hungry again by the time you chip it over the green (puns never intended but always embraced). 

#12 Bloody Mary

This makes the list purely because I know of a woman who, for the entirety of her college tenure, drank a large glass of (virgin) Bloody Mary mix for lunch. Now, that’s some crazy behavior—but, in theory, not all that different from a V8. Trace antioxidants aside, we can’t earnestly (or legally) recommend it as a proper meal replacement.

#11 Pickle-In-A-Pouch

The course that offers the bagged pickle is looking a specific type of golfer right in the soul and saying, “We see you.” It’s a little anti-establishment, a little attention seeking and a lot briny. Consume at your own discretion.

#10 Fruit

One could reasonably argue that fruit belongs in the same realm as a salad. But, respectfully, this is incorrect. Pair nature’s candy with a single-serve pack of Jif and you’ve got yourself a heart-healthy snack combo that won’t have you dragging by 15. 

#9 Pizza

Pizza’s deliciousness is its downfall… it’s rare that you’re content with just one slice (though you’re sure to log a few more when you try to grip your driver with those greasy cheese fingers).

#8 Nuts

Always available, always… fine. A bit of protein, but not as healthy as Mr. Peanut propagandizes considering they're typically honey roasted or hickory smoked. Trail mix will give you the best of both worlds, but keep in mind most courses buy Great Value in bulk—which are all but guaranteed to be 65% raisin.

#7 Granola Bar

A cousin to the bagged nut, the granola bar is neither glamorous or all that satisfying. But it is sustenance, and sometimes that’s all you need (just pray it’s not a Nature Valley, or you’ll be unearthing tiny crumbs from your shoes for the rest of your days).

#6 Candy Bar

At risk of having my golfer card revoked, I must be completely transparent in admitting I have never purchased a Snickers Bar on the course. This lands in the top half purely by force, peer pressure from those at Waggle who consider no other option for the back 9. Hear me out… a candy bar that’s been kept refrigerated—or even better, frozen? Spectacular, give me 14 of ‘em right now. But hot melted chocolate that smears all over your fingers? Hard pass. Temperature aside, unless you’re packing gum or mints, this is still a no as far as I’m concerned—no one wants to share a cart with steamy chocolate breath.

#5 Sandwich

I’ll start by acknowledging this placement is borderline controversial. A solid pre-packaged sub can 100% save a round from imminent destruction. Problem is, a bad one can send you home early. Gut check the fridge situation to weigh risk vs. reward—and only opt for the tuna or chicken salad if you really want to golf dangerously.

#4 Beef Stick / Jerky

This one is a rising star on my list. Incredibly high protein, shelf stable, obliterates your daily sodium intake. It almost feels like a hack, really. If you see this at the turn, stock up the bag and you’ll be set for the entire season.

#3 Uncrustable

Speaking of *stars*, this little filly requires no introduction. The perfect ratio of peanut butter and jelly, sealed with a gentle kiss to create a crust-free masterpiece. Legally, again, I’m required to clarify that Uncrustables are not technically shelf-stable (but our sales team has been known to put down multiple room temp 10-packs over the course of the PGA Show without issue, so do with that what you will).

#2 Hot Dog 

Listen, there’s a reason glizzies are the most common item on the snack shack menu. At worst they’re lukewarm off the roller, at best they’re charred on the grill. Protein, carbs, dress it up however you like. What it really comes down to is that, while a hot dog might not necessarily be good, it’s never all that bad either. 

#1 Walking Taco

If the turn is dishing up walking tacos, I’m asking where to sign the member agreement. I’ve heard rumors that these are a regional delicacy, in which case, let this be a PSA to all courses who are unfamiliar with this game: PUT THE DANG TACO IN THE CHIP BAG ALREADY.

Did we nail it? Drop a comment to let us know which snacks rank at the top of your list—and which ones make you say, “hmm, I’ll pass.” 

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